I Could Never Say (POEM)

 

 

I could never say

 

I saw you in my mind magnificent and regal in all your
glory
You had breath, life, energy
I tried to write you into being

 

I tried to give you form and substance
But you lay dead on the paper
Sterile, cold and unfeeling

 

I felt your warmth and you shined in my heart
But you remained lifeless chiding me with your empty eyes
I had no defense I could not make you real

 

I couldn't play the meter and rhyme of your existence
You rebuked me with your bloodless corpse
Wagging your finger at my frustration

 

Your reflection in the frozen ice that surrounded you
Showed your inner beauty and light
The warm glow revealed what you could be

 

But you were not
Only an illusion
No one else can ever see

 

No one else can share that passing thought
That un-captured feeling that raced around my brain
I have trapped you in the cavernous crevices of my mind

 

You cursed me for my ineptitude
You wailed for your beauty wasted
You screamed because the loneliness was unbearable

 

You understood that there was no way out
You gave me one last reproachful look
And faded away leaving only dead words on a paper

 

I crumbled you into a wad, threw you away
I mourned the loss of utterance
I walked away and tried to forget

 

But I am always haunted by words
I could never say.

Audience (POEM)

Audience

 

I am never alone
They await my performance
Always pondering my every move
The faceless voiceless audience that drives me

 

They consume me, measure me, define me
Every moment and experience is nothing unless
it is shared
I'm bound by this overwhelming need to connect
I am nothing without reflection

 

Without an audience I don't exist
It matters not if the report be good or bad
I just need to see some reflection of myself
That reflection... that mist on the mirror
is proof of life

 

I change with each person
I seek to be what they want me to be
Strive to live up to what they think I will
Expect to disappoint and expect rejection at every turn

 

High on feedback I'll do anything for the next fix
Like a puppy I beg for a pat on the head
I am worthwhile only if I have notice
I hide in the shadows and curse that no one sees me

 

I don't love myself and cry when I am unloved
I sabotage myself and wonder why I get no where
I can't see beyond my own misery
I can't even define myself

 

I mindlessly pander to and fear the merciless audience that spawns me
Holding my breath, ready to change anything at the drop of a hat,
I await my review



TEACH ME GOD (Poem)

TEACH ME GOD
                     
              God lover of my soul:
                Teach me to be a flame,
                  A flame that reflects your love.
                Teach me to look for beauty in all the world,
                  Because all you make, has beauty.
            
 
              God creator of Heaven:
                Teach me to see your will in my life,
                  To do things that lift you up.
                Teach me to help someone in need,
                  To refrain from predjudice and injustice.
 
 
              God Lord of my life:
                Teach me to be open to change,
                  To be open to new ideas.
                Teach me to pray and to praise you,
                  To be greatful to be happy, to have faith in you.
 
 
              God gracious and divine:
                Teach me to forgive,
                Teach me...
                  To be like You!

Mind Vs Body (POEM)

Mind vs Body

My body knows that the touch of your skin is warm comforting and exciting
My mind knows that you are repulsed by me

My body knows that you know how to touch me, to make me feel sensual and alive
My mind knows you’d rather look at women who look so much better than me

My body knows that I feel fantastic when we make love, I radiate happiness, I glow
My mind knows I will soon feel lonely and ashamed again

My body knows that I can make you feel good, that I can make you happy, just for a moment
My mind knows that you are not even thinking of me when we are together

My body knows no sadness, only sensation, only pleasure
My mind knows only sadness, only pain.

My body doesn’t want to know what my mind knows
My mind just wants to be free.

STANDING BENEATH THE WEDDING TREE (POEM)

We have a tree in our yard.  We as a family call it The Wedding Tree.  Three seasons out of the year it is unremarkable.  But in the spring it bears the most beautiful white blooms.  And then the blooms turn pink and fall to the ground.  It's a magical experience to stand beneath this tree and watch the blooms fall.

Standing beneath the Wedding Tree
 
Gossamer strands of pink and white fall quietly to the earth
Peace envelopes my consciousness I’m filled with a feeling of mirth.
 
I stare in wonder and awe as each strand kisses the ground,
I watch with the eyes of a child as the strands float all around.
 
I am transported to somewhere I had forgotten long ago,
I am taken to a place that I wish once again to know.
 
I hold my breath as time stops everything is quiet and at peace,
I am filled with elation,  it seems that the moment will never cease.
 
I float on a feeling of rapture just like the gossamer strands falling free,
For a moment I let it all go, I allow myself to be truly me.
 
I am light as a feather and now I have no chains that bind
To unhappiness and reality I find I have become blind.
 
And then I feel a tug, a slight pull, a sweet little call
I look into the eyes of my children as they watch the strands fall.
 
And I’m moved by the happy picture that shines on their awe filled faces
And I know that they too have been transported therel to one of my favorite places.

 
And I’m satisfied with just being, satisfied with this precious moment in time,
I know that at this moment, the world is right. It is filled with music and rhyme.
 
And the very best part of this moment is the fact that I can share,
I can share with my children, this moment both treasured and rare.
 
And when I am not with them, they can recall this moment together,
This moment will be remembered, and cherished between us forever.

End Note:  Like My Marriage, The Wedding Tree is no More.  It was cut down.  But I shall cherish the memory forever.  I found a similiar tree in SL with the blooms floating down.  It made me happy to once again to stand beneath the Wedding Tree...  *smiles*

(DAYS OF OUR SECOND LIVES) Episode Two: Gratitude!

OPENING MONOLOGUE:

SL IS Drama.  Some drama is just honest unfortunate blending of unsuited people.  Some is just malicious game playing and manipulation.  No matter the source or the reason drama drains us, distracts us and often holds us back from the future we dream of.
Unfortunately we can't totally avoid drama.  All we can do is seperate ourselves from the black holes.  You know, those people who live to suck the life out of you.
When I face a difficult situation I find if I can laugh, it all seems better.  Even if I am laughing at myself.  So here is my wink and nod at the drama of second life.  Often the drama in SL reminds me of a soap opera.  So here's mine:  DAYS OF OUR SECOND LIVES!!!!!
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real avatars, living or dead, is probably spot on... cough cough I mean purely coincidental!  *winks*

Our last show left Lynn searching for shorts and Richard dancing to the tune of his lady love... 

Lynn continues to search for shorts.  She grows more and more frantic.  She starts mumbling to herself.  Suddenly Richard Kitty appears followed by his lady love, Veronica.

"Lynn Richard tells me you need help finding shorts.  I keep telling you over and over that if you'd just allow me to choose your outfits then you and MrRightThisSecond would be having pixel babies by now.  You never listen.  I don't know why I do this.  I give and give and give but does anyone think of me?  No I am always the one people use and never appreciate!"

Lynn hangs her head. "You are right Veronica.  I should listen to you more.  I am sorry."

"Of course I am right!  I'm Veronica!  I know what's best for everyone in every given situation.  Richard feels the same way I do. We've talked about it at length."

Lynn looks and Richard is shaking his head no behind Veronica's back.  Veronica sensing dissention looks at Richard who stops shaking his head and smiles and Veronica.

"Of course Veronica.  I am sorry for not seeing things they way you do.  Thank you Veronica for helping me even though I don't show you proper gratitude."

"Now Lynn.  You don't need shorts.  You need an entirely new outfit.  Why you've worn that shirt for FIVE MINUTES!  You need a new one.  MrRightThisSecond will never look at you twice if you don't keep changing everything about you constantly.  He'll get bored.  Let's go shopping."

Before they leave MrRightThisSecond appears.

Lynn gasps, "MrRightThisSecond...hi...*giggles like a 12 year old* It's great to see you.  Thank you for coming.  I am sorry you have to see me like this.  I can look better.  I can do anything you want.  I... I... I..."

MrRightThisSecond says,"It's okay Lynn.  You don't have to worry.  You have exactly what I am looking for: a great deal of desperation and low self esteem.  You fawn over me, wait on me, do everything I want you to and you never complain.  I have to say I am rather enjoying it and as long as I enjoy it, then I'll keep seeing you. Well until I get bored or you do something I don't like or really for any reason at all.  But do try to keep me happy it's very amusing.

"Oh MrRightThisSecond you are so smart and you say the sweetest things.  Thank you.  I'm so glad to know you.  Wow!!"

"I know Lynn... I know."

Will Lynn and MrRightThisSecond be a match made in SL heaven?  Will Richard ever disagree with Veronica?  Will Veronica ever get the appreciation she deserves?  Find out in the next exciting episode offfffff... DAYS OF OUR SECOND LIVES!  

Zathos (POEM)

Zathos

Always hovering just above her head, she sees his winged flight.
With arms extended she reaches for him but he is gone from her sight.

Again he returns to taunt and torture her mind,
She scans the skies always hoping to find,

A glimpse, a glimmer, just something to treasure.
Her body cries out for release, cries out for the pleasure,

She knows only he can bring to her, he drives her insane.
She is thirsting for water, thirsting for rain.

She waits for him to join her down here,
He teases her and taunts her circling near.

He dives down so low she can feel his breath,
Then he flies away it feels just like death.

She tries to free herself from the chains that bind her down,
In his intoxicating essence she feels she might drown.

To fly through the skies is her deepest desire,
But she has no wings and she has no fire.

She is bound to the ground and can only watch the skies,
She cannot hide the desire and excitement in her eyes.

She sees his shadow gliding near,
She is filled with expectancy and fear.

This time he lands and lifts her up into the air,
She relaxes in his embrace he takes her into his lair.

The mingling of bodies, the cries thrown into the wind,
The passion builds and devours until the pleasurable end.

Slowly he glides down and returns her to her place,
He gently brushes the hair from her face.

One gentle kiss and he leaves her wanting more,
His touch has tamed her and shaken her to the core.

He waits in anticipation to capture her, to return her to his lair,
She watches the skies waiting for him to take her back into the air.