Scrambled Eggs (BLOG)

So you read the title scrambled eggs and you see a picture of me riding a turtle.  Makes sense... yeah?  *shakes head vigorously !NO!*   Well don't worry... I did not make an omelet with turtle eggs!  !WHEW!  

I've been in a very fragile state these days not unlike an egg.  And my brain has been very scrambled lately... so I named this blog post scrambled eggs.  Kind of how I feel... broken... scrambled...cooked in hell fire... and then eaten. 

My emotions have been beating the hell out of me for a good two weeks now.  Ever since I started packing up my life to leave this house.  And I HATE this house.  I hate the memories in this house.  But I still feel completely, unbearably, crushingly sad to leave it.  I know it's because I am most terrified of the unknown.  I like knowing what will happen, I like having a plan.  And I don't have one.  Everything is rushed and up in the air.  I have no "job."  I have very little income and too many hands out wanting paid.  I have a good deal of dinero coming my way but it will take a couple months for me to get it.  And in the meantime I am getting farther and farther in debt.  I feel hopeless.

So yesterday, crying, feeling hopeless, and wishing I had someone to hold me I go into SL.  (doesn't everyone?)  I "start" talking to my good buddy Feesh.  He's very grounding, and doesn't get alarmed at anything.  He talks me down off the ledge I'm on and suggests we go swimming.  So we dive, swim around, and look like frogs with our legs kicking when we stop to look at something.  Good fun.  I see some sharks and try to sit on them so I can ride them.  No go.  I try the turtle.  No go.  For some reason, I feel the urge to try again.  And voila! I am riding a turtle.  And I have no control where the little guy is taking me.  I just have go along for the ride.  It was fun!  It made me laugh.

I may not have chosen to be where I am now.  But I have to just keep going. And when things don't work, try again.  Not always being in control can lead me to some fun places if I am brave enough to let go and give it whirl.

Thanks to all my friends who are being so wonderful to me in this transitional time in my life.  And especially thanks to Feesh for helping me get my equilibrium back yesterday.