Safety Net (POEM)

Safety Net

I found you lying in my dresser while I was cleaning it out,
My safety net, lying there waiting to be used,
You kept from going mad and gave me strength each day to go on.
I repeated to myself time and again... just one more day,
Just one more hour, just one more breath.
If I can't face it, I have my safety net, I have a way out.
And I would go on, face another day, and live.

I held you in my hand, nothing about you had changed.
You were still plastic,  still round,
Still full of pills, and not one missing.
You still held the same potential to give me a way out.
You still held the same potential to end my hopeless life.
Part of me thinks I should just toss you out,
But somehow I can't.

Because your meaning to me has completely changed.
I no longer long to make use of your protection.
I no longer need a safety net to face tomorrow.
You are no longer my safety net,
You are a symbol of how far I've come,
Of how much I've grown,
And how much I now want to live.

You remind me how fragile life is.
You remind me how close I came to destruction.
How close I came to destroying not just me, but those I love,
I never wanted to hurt anyone, only wanted to prevent more pain,
I Thought you might be better with me gone, but deep down I knew,
We are all interconnected, each choice effects another.
Each choice changes our world.

I never told a soul you existed.
I never told anyone the dark thoughts nesting in my brain,
Of the ice around my heart, the constant pain I felt.
I knew they'd make me get rid of you, make me try to walk,
They'd make me face my life with no way out,
They'd make me tightrope without my safety net below.
I was not that brave or coordinated.

Now I think I could tightrope, I could trapeze,
I could soar or tumble all without a net.
Because I have a greater hope than any found in your bottle.
I know I am in the hands of a greater "power",
A greater "power who wants only good things for me.
How wise he was, How much he loved me.
How well he knew me, He actually used a bottle of pills
To save my life.