The Magic In Your Eyes (POEM)

The Magic In Your Eyes

I do not yearn for the days of my youth,
The carefree barefoot days I squandered,
There was much pain mixed in with naivety,
So much I would choose to forget.

I like the person I became,
I like the knowledge that I gained,
And the wrinkles that adorn my face,
Are evidence of the the life I lived.

The lessons learned joy and sadness mingled,
Each milestone marked as years went by,
Every thing that shaped who I am,
Is told in the lines of my face.

My only regret is with time and experience,
The stars that revealed the answers I quested,
Faded with each passing day,
And soon disappeared from my eyes.

I sometimes miss the warm summer nights,
Where I chased the unsuspecting firefly,
Their glow so much like stars,
That had fallen to earth.

I'd hold them in my hands a while,
And let the glow light my face,
And then I'd set them free,
To illuminate another childish face.

I did not want to hold them captive,
Their magic faded inside a jar,
Only flying free could they bestow,
Their evanescence to our human race.

I long to sit beneath the stars,
And find the knowledge that I once sought,
I yearn to hold a firefly in my palm,
And once again find in my face that magic glow.

I lost them when I stopped believing,
As each tragic moment chased them from my heart,
My heart grew hard and I gave in to darkness,
No light could penetrate the pit.

Any light that found it's way in my pit,
was soon extinguished no light could stay,
The magic faded in the jar,
That surrounded and protected my hardened heart.

And when I finally saw a tiny light,
Fluttering in my darkness,
I was mesmerized by it's glowing light,
I wanted to follow where it led.

I was curious as to what it was,
It's origin to me a mystery,
How could it shine when others had failed,
To bring light to my chosen abode of darkness.

It wasn't a star way up in the night sky,
That I should stare at it in adoration from afar,
Nor was it a firefly to be stalked and captured,
To be imprisoned in a jar just so I could keep it near.

And though it gave me answers to questions I sought,
And it gave me a glow to my saddened face,
This light was much more than stars or fireflies could ever be,
It was the magic I found shining in your eyes!

Pretty Little Lies (POEM)

Pretty Little Lies

Speak to me those pretty little lies,
Tell me what I want to hear when you look into my eyes,
I don't care that the words just aren't true,
I just want to feel like I am one with you.

You all lie and you all try to change me,
A lil here and there you completely rearrange me,
Just a nip just a tuck,
Then I'll be good enough to fuck.

I don't care anymore what you have to say,
It doesn't matter I've come to play,
Try as you might you'll never get to see,
The secret I keep deep inside of me.

You'll see what I show you, you'll see what I want,
You'll get what I give you and love what I flaunt,
But you'll never know me, you'll never get in,
You'll never control me or hurt me again.

Protection is the name of the game,
Never again burned by passion's flame,
Things will get steamy but I won't feel any pain,
The flames will lick all around with nothing to gain.

I'm all burnt out nothing but charred emotion,
So I can no longer feel hate or devotion,
My feelings are something I will no longer share,
I won't toss my treasures out into the air.

You can deal with anything if you know the score,
And my heart will never play the game anymore,
Nothing but playacting and manipulation driven by lust,
It doesn't matter the feeling it will always turn to dust.

So dance like a pagan, howl at the moon,
Indulge wanton hedonist, play your own tune,
Fuck me and use me like there's nothing you want more,
Just tell me those lies before you walk out the door.

The Puppet Master (POEM)

Puppet Master

You never took up for me although many others you defended,
You were a knight in shining armour to many you befriended.

You played me like a puppet and I let you pull the strings,
And all I ever wanted was to take fight and spread my wings.

You were always so ready to believe the worst in me,
You never really knew me, just who you wanted me to be.

People's worth you judged by what they could do for you,
Wheeling and dealing people's lives is what you loved to do.

You manipulated with barbs and hateful jibes, you triedto make me change,
You thought me too stupid to notice, you thought that my whole life I would rearrange.

And when I resisted, when I no longer fit your mold,
You began to hate me, your feelings soon grew cold.

And then you left me broken, wounded and bleeding on the floor,
You walked away without looking back and loudly shut thedoor.

Then you decided that we should still be friends,
Well I am sorry but this is where it ends.

I can no longer be pulled into your mire,
I refuse to be consumed by your fire.

Go find a new puppet, a new toy with which to play,
I'm tired of being a plaything I'm ending this today.

I'm walking out without looking back, I will not even cry,
I walk out with a brand new freedom and a twinkle in myeye.

So play your game with others, go get your needs met,
And I will leave this prison with no feeling of regret.

You might find it hard to replace a person who cared so much,
Or you might easily find someone willing do your bidding and be your crutch.

Either way you will never bring me any more heartbreak and disaster,
And thank God I have finally broken free from you the Puppet Master.

Snake In The Grass (POEM)

I wrote this years ago. I never made it public because it was too fresh and I didn't want to share what was going thru my head. I think enough time has passed to share this. Those who cared about what I am talking about in this poem have long moved on. And I think in putting it out there, I am putting it behind me and moving on.


Snake in the Grass

You think I don't know who you really are inside,
I know who you are and what you have done.
You think that you have pulled one over on me,
But I knew from the start how this would end.

You think you have people fooled and that you can do as you like,
But sooner or later it will come to light and people will know you for your deeds.
You lie to garner sympathy and to ruin people's lives,
to manipulate them into doing what you want.

And sure some people are stupid enough to believe you,
I never did, I just waited for you to mess up.
Instead you did your best to destroy me,
And I almost let you,
But you didn't beat me,
You only taught me a valuable lesson.

And you don't even know I know,
You are just trying to get what use you can out of me,
But I am not deceived.
Though you have taken something very important from me,
You actually did me a favor it seems.
And I'm going to be fine.
And I'm going to be better for the experience.

But you will be the same person you are,
You can only win others to you with untruth and deception,
Nobody cares for the real you because you never show them you.
And it's sad because you could be a really great person,
You have a lot of amazing gifts,
But you think you have to lie and use your body to gain what you want,
that nobody will ever love you for you.
Sad really.

I hope someday you can have the courage to be who you were meant to be,
that you stop all the lies and deceit and learn what a real friend is,
and to know the joy of truly caring about someone,
I really do.

And I am not perfect.
I know I have many many faults,
But I would never do to another what you have done to me.
I never deserved it.
And even though it hurts,
I still want to thank you,
Thank you for showing me what a real friend is not.

I Could Never Say (POEM)

 

 

I could never say

 

I saw you in my mind magnificent and regal in all your
glory
You had breath, life, energy
I tried to write you into being

 

I tried to give you form and substance
But you lay dead on the paper
Sterile, cold and unfeeling

 

I felt your warmth and you shined in my heart
But you remained lifeless chiding me with your empty eyes
I had no defense I could not make you real

 

I couldn't play the meter and rhyme of your existence
You rebuked me with your bloodless corpse
Wagging your finger at my frustration

 

Your reflection in the frozen ice that surrounded you
Showed your inner beauty and light
The warm glow revealed what you could be

 

But you were not
Only an illusion
No one else can ever see

 

No one else can share that passing thought
That un-captured feeling that raced around my brain
I have trapped you in the cavernous crevices of my mind

 

You cursed me for my ineptitude
You wailed for your beauty wasted
You screamed because the loneliness was unbearable

 

You understood that there was no way out
You gave me one last reproachful look
And faded away leaving only dead words on a paper

 

I crumbled you into a wad, threw you away
I mourned the loss of utterance
I walked away and tried to forget

 

But I am always haunted by words
I could never say.

Audience (POEM)

Audience

 

I am never alone
They await my performance
Always pondering my every move
The faceless voiceless audience that drives me

 

They consume me, measure me, define me
Every moment and experience is nothing unless
it is shared
I'm bound by this overwhelming need to connect
I am nothing without reflection

 

Without an audience I don't exist
It matters not if the report be good or bad
I just need to see some reflection of myself
That reflection... that mist on the mirror
is proof of life

 

I change with each person
I seek to be what they want me to be
Strive to live up to what they think I will
Expect to disappoint and expect rejection at every turn

 

High on feedback I'll do anything for the next fix
Like a puppy I beg for a pat on the head
I am worthwhile only if I have notice
I hide in the shadows and curse that no one sees me

 

I don't love myself and cry when I am unloved
I sabotage myself and wonder why I get no where
I can't see beyond my own misery
I can't even define myself

 

I mindlessly pander to and fear the merciless audience that spawns me
Holding my breath, ready to change anything at the drop of a hat,
I await my review



TEACH ME GOD (Poem)

TEACH ME GOD
                     
              God lover of my soul:
                Teach me to be a flame,
                  A flame that reflects your love.
                Teach me to look for beauty in all the world,
                  Because all you make, has beauty.
            
 
              God creator of Heaven:
                Teach me to see your will in my life,
                  To do things that lift you up.
                Teach me to help someone in need,
                  To refrain from predjudice and injustice.
 
 
              God Lord of my life:
                Teach me to be open to change,
                  To be open to new ideas.
                Teach me to pray and to praise you,
                  To be greatful to be happy, to have faith in you.
 
 
              God gracious and divine:
                Teach me to forgive,
                Teach me...
                  To be like You!