The Edge of Never (Poem)

The Edge of NEVER

I see you fiend of hell,
taunting me inticing me in.
I won't go where you bid me.
I won't be tempted to go where you lead.
Yes, your blackness is familiar to me,
I know how it feels surrounding me,
I know the pain,
the release,
the cycle.
I know what it is to revel in misery,
But it doesn't work anymore.
There is no satisfaction in agony,
I am tired of being your puppet,
I won't do your bidding any longer,
I will not destroy myself anymore.
Nothing I have done is vile enough to merit your society.
The pit is not for me.
I think you liked my company ,
fed off my strength and vitality,
You liked having me bow to your whim,
You liked me unaware of my own worth,
I won't be frozen by your embrace any more!
Go back to your pit I'll not join you there,
wallow in your misery and selfishness,
and drink the poison of your own heart.
I've had enough to last a 1000 lifetimes.
I think I'll bask in the light,
and hold your memory as a reminder,
to go on, to spur me forward,
and never look back down into the pit,
never to stand on the edges,
feeling the pull dragging me,
down down down to where you dwell.

Descent (POEM)

DESCENT

Sitting here reading your words
Your declarations to the women in your past
Each word a stab to the heart
You are no longer the man that wrote those words
You no longer believe the feelings you vowed
Or maybe you do and I really am
not capable of stirring in you such sentiments
I wish you could love me
Am I deficient or is it we are just not a compatible
or maybe all I can offer is my sexuality
the gift and curse that destroys me again and again
Maybe that's all I have
Maybe that's all I am
one that can stir passions but never love
I guess I should be glad you notice me at all
few do
I crave and abhor the attention of men
I shrink from connection
because I know it will all boil down to sex
and then it begins
 the slow
agonizing descent into goodbye

Ripple Effect, Unwanted Answer (POEMS)

RIPPLE EFFECT

Just a ripple in your big pond
a small little insignificant stone
one of many...
maybe nice to look at...
maybe smooth to the touch...
maybe fun for a moment...
but expendable... tossable.. gone

Unwanted Answer

If I should leave
would you miss my voice?
would you miss my words?
would you miss my laughter?

If I left
would you feel any regret?
remember times we shared?
look at my picture? be relieved?

If you knew I planned to go
would you ask me to stay?
would you try to change my mind?
would you even care?

If I searched deep in my heart
and listened to my mind
I already have my answer
I just keep wishing I were wrong.

Chucked Out of a Balloon... (Adventure)

So I am on Rag Dollz Island.  And I see a balloon ride.  Might be fun right?  Right?  So I sit.

I expect to ride around the island.  Look at some views.  Seems like a reasonable expectation.

Seems harless enough so far...   Then we kept going up... and up...

Maybe I was a bit nervous... but I never suspected...  I was chucked out... that's right chucked out! With only an umbrella!

Luckily this was one STRONG umbrella!!!

I am happy to say I survived.  I even found some cool stuff while I was in the air... like this

motorcycle!  She's a beaut eh?  After I had ended my ballon ride I noticed the sign for the balloon ride.  It seems it TELLS you that you will get chucked out and given an umbrella!  That's what I get for leaping before I look I guess. But I have to tell you... It was more fun that way...   :)

After being in the air a while... I thought it was best to put on some wings... you never know when you'll need them!

I ended my adventure relaxing on a bench.  Comtemplating life.  And definitely improving my mood.  I'm all for that!  So I'll end this little post with a little dreaming and looking forward to what I find next.



I... Am a Work of ART! (Blog)

  So I was feeling sorry for myself.  It happens.   Today I wandered in SL and found an easel.  I thought... I wonder if I can sit on that...  And voila!  I AM ART!  :)  It amused me.  But it also got me thinking... yeah ONE person might not think I am all that great but there are a lot of people who do.  I need to quit hanging my self esteem on the approval of someone who will never think I am enough.  It doesn't mean I am not enough, it just means one person is not enamored of me.  It's not an all or nothing deal.  Life is not black and white.  So he's never gonna realize what amazing things I have to offer...Big deal.  I am a work of art...original... bold... vibrant...priceless.  No one can put a value on me no matter how hard they try.  No one can determine my worth but me.  And I say I'm priceless!  There's nobody like me.  Sometimes, that's a good thing!  But sometimes, it's a damn shame.  The world might be a fun place with a few more of me!

TIRED (Blog)

TIRED!

I am tired of being used. 
I am tired of being bullied.
I am tired of being unappreciated.
I am tired of trusting and having my trust betrayed.
I am tired of being honest and being lied to.
I am tired of only being a plaything.
I tired of holding on only because I am afraid of being lonely again.
I believe I deserve better but I don't demand it.
I just keep giving and recieving only indifference.
I keep loving and and get back manipulation and scorn.
I keep waiting and only have wasted time and dark circles under my eyes to show for it.
I am just tired of it all!

Whore (Poem)

Whore

hands touch me against my will
I bat them away but they only hold me down
they penetrate every private part
I have no defense
I cry but no one hears
no one can help me drive these demons away
they are phantoms from the past
no real substance but what damage they do
I feel unclean
unworthy and unable
I hear the lies again
the cruel words that are my worst fear
And I still fear they will be true
Still feel they are sometimes true
Can never say they are without some trace of truth
for what I fear I have become
a slut
a whore with no conscience
only desiring to be desired
to please
to be a toy for whoever wants to play
and never saying no
because I feel I have no power
I feel I only have worth when
I am wanted