I Could Never Say (POEM)

 

 

I could never say

 

I saw you in my mind magnificent and regal in all your
glory
You had breath, life, energy
I tried to write you into being

 

I tried to give you form and substance
But you lay dead on the paper
Sterile, cold and unfeeling

 

I felt your warmth and you shined in my heart
But you remained lifeless chiding me with your empty eyes
I had no defense I could not make you real

 

I couldn't play the meter and rhyme of your existence
You rebuked me with your bloodless corpse
Wagging your finger at my frustration

 

Your reflection in the frozen ice that surrounded you
Showed your inner beauty and light
The warm glow revealed what you could be

 

But you were not
Only an illusion
No one else can ever see

 

No one else can share that passing thought
That un-captured feeling that raced around my brain
I have trapped you in the cavernous crevices of my mind

 

You cursed me for my ineptitude
You wailed for your beauty wasted
You screamed because the loneliness was unbearable

 

You understood that there was no way out
You gave me one last reproachful look
And faded away leaving only dead words on a paper

 

I crumbled you into a wad, threw you away
I mourned the loss of utterance
I walked away and tried to forget

 

But I am always haunted by words
I could never say.

Audience (POEM)

Audience

 

I am never alone
They await my performance
Always pondering my every move
The faceless voiceless audience that drives me

 

They consume me, measure me, define me
Every moment and experience is nothing unless
it is shared
I'm bound by this overwhelming need to connect
I am nothing without reflection

 

Without an audience I don't exist
It matters not if the report be good or bad
I just need to see some reflection of myself
That reflection... that mist on the mirror
is proof of life

 

I change with each person
I seek to be what they want me to be
Strive to live up to what they think I will
Expect to disappoint and expect rejection at every turn

 

High on feedback I'll do anything for the next fix
Like a puppy I beg for a pat on the head
I am worthwhile only if I have notice
I hide in the shadows and curse that no one sees me

 

I don't love myself and cry when I am unloved
I sabotage myself and wonder why I get no where
I can't see beyond my own misery
I can't even define myself

 

I mindlessly pander to and fear the merciless audience that spawns me
Holding my breath, ready to change anything at the drop of a hat,
I await my review



TEACH ME GOD (Poem)

TEACH ME GOD
                     
              God lover of my soul:
                Teach me to be a flame,
                  A flame that reflects your love.
                Teach me to look for beauty in all the world,
                  Because all you make, has beauty.
            
 
              God creator of Heaven:
                Teach me to see your will in my life,
                  To do things that lift you up.
                Teach me to help someone in need,
                  To refrain from predjudice and injustice.
 
 
              God Lord of my life:
                Teach me to be open to change,
                  To be open to new ideas.
                Teach me to pray and to praise you,
                  To be greatful to be happy, to have faith in you.
 
 
              God gracious and divine:
                Teach me to forgive,
                Teach me...
                  To be like You!

Mind Vs Body (POEM)

Mind vs Body

My body knows that the touch of your skin is warm comforting and exciting
My mind knows that you are repulsed by me

My body knows that you know how to touch me, to make me feel sensual and alive
My mind knows you’d rather look at women who look so much better than me

My body knows that I feel fantastic when we make love, I radiate happiness, I glow
My mind knows I will soon feel lonely and ashamed again

My body knows that I can make you feel good, that I can make you happy, just for a moment
My mind knows that you are not even thinking of me when we are together

My body knows no sadness, only sensation, only pleasure
My mind knows only sadness, only pain.

My body doesn’t want to know what my mind knows
My mind just wants to be free.

STANDING BENEATH THE WEDDING TREE (POEM)

We have a tree in our yard.  We as a family call it The Wedding Tree.  Three seasons out of the year it is unremarkable.  But in the spring it bears the most beautiful white blooms.  And then the blooms turn pink and fall to the ground.  It's a magical experience to stand beneath this tree and watch the blooms fall.

Standing beneath the Wedding Tree
 
Gossamer strands of pink and white fall quietly to the earth
Peace envelopes my consciousness I’m filled with a feeling of mirth.
 
I stare in wonder and awe as each strand kisses the ground,
I watch with the eyes of a child as the strands float all around.
 
I am transported to somewhere I had forgotten long ago,
I am taken to a place that I wish once again to know.
 
I hold my breath as time stops everything is quiet and at peace,
I am filled with elation,  it seems that the moment will never cease.
 
I float on a feeling of rapture just like the gossamer strands falling free,
For a moment I let it all go, I allow myself to be truly me.
 
I am light as a feather and now I have no chains that bind
To unhappiness and reality I find I have become blind.
 
And then I feel a tug, a slight pull, a sweet little call
I look into the eyes of my children as they watch the strands fall.
 
And I’m moved by the happy picture that shines on their awe filled faces
And I know that they too have been transported therel to one of my favorite places.

 
And I’m satisfied with just being, satisfied with this precious moment in time,
I know that at this moment, the world is right. It is filled with music and rhyme.
 
And the very best part of this moment is the fact that I can share,
I can share with my children, this moment both treasured and rare.
 
And when I am not with them, they can recall this moment together,
This moment will be remembered, and cherished between us forever.

End Note:  Like My Marriage, The Wedding Tree is no More.  It was cut down.  But I shall cherish the memory forever.  I found a similiar tree in SL with the blooms floating down.  It made me happy to once again to stand beneath the Wedding Tree...  *smiles*